Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
