omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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