I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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