I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
