dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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