new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
