I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
MIDGETS
????
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
