i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
