I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
