i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
