4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize