I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
