if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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