I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
