Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
