Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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