are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
