did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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