My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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