I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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