Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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