There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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