You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
