it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize