So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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