I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
