Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
