watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
