im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
