i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
