he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
