I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
