Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Houston, we have a blender
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
