The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
