I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
