He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
