Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize