There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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