If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
