the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
