If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my poor anus
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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