Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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