Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
