reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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