Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
