Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
