Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
