UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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