Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
