from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
