My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
