I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
