Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So here I am, sexting at work.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
