it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
