Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize