ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How drunk are you?
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