Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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