Sponge bath it is.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
