Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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