ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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