You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
