Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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