Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
