i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
