i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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