she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
