I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
